A weighty issue (Update)

Hello my loves.

Happy New Year :-) I cannot believe we are in the new year now. It's so strange and it's probably going to take me until 2013 to remember to write 2012 lol.

Anyway, so I mentioned last night on Twitter about my weight and I got a few questions about how I lost the weight. My dad's cousin's husband asked me how I have lost this weight and I'll be honest, I didn't change the way I eat I still ate junk food but after my husband left I just didn't eat properly for 3 months it brought back a ton of my issues with food. I did exercise though. With weight loss comes a bit of sagging, my boobs were a B cup before I put on all of my weight and now they are an E cup, I am happy about this but well they're not as nice as they could be I guess lol. I've always been against surgery I just think it's a quick fix and it's not something I would ever have wanted but now that I've lost weight and I am having trouble with the wobbly bits, I would have a tummy tuck and a breast lift. Also with all of this I have so many stretch marks. I do look at them and sometimes I cry so much and other days I think I won't be like that again. I have so many anxieties about my body, yes I am now a size 12 but I don't feel like I look good naked. I have love handles and I am determined to sort these out. I have a ton of clothes that I haven't been able to fit in and I had put them aside so that I could sell them on eBay but I tried them and although they are a little bit tight I love them. Although I want rid of my love handles I do like my shape, it's an hourglass shape and I think that that is a really sexy shape to have.

As a size 12 I am pretty happy because that was always my ideal size. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in one of my other posts but I went to the doctors and he told me I have lost three stone which is just amazing. I asked my mum for a couple of dresses for Christmas and I tried them on thinking they wouldn't fit but they did and I am so happy. It's not just that I need things that are stretchy because of my tummy I have to think "will this fit over my chest" people stare at them enough and think they're a blessing but they are kind of a curse lol.

So what are my tips, what are my goals and what am I going to do to lose the last bit?

My tips -

• don't deprive yourself, ok I'm not saying go out and eat a five course meal every night and eat chocolate and crisps washed down with fizzy drinks you aren't going to get anywhere that way. But, moderation is good. You see when I want something I have to have it otherwise when I get it I'm going to overindulge it's the bodies way of saying screw you for not giving me what I want.
• Definitely exercise, start off small walk places dance around the house even doing housework. You don't have to spend top dollar on going to a gym you can buy DVDs etc. I love to put the 80s channel on my TV and dance around the house.
• Don't do quick fixes you will put te weight back on. A friend of mine tried lighter life lite and she did do well on it, she lost a ton of weight but she put it all back on plus 1stone. They seem perfect because they're quick and easy to do but because you don't really eat when you do finally start eating solids your body will grab onto every little bit and you'll put it all back on.

My Goals -

• I want to lose the last bit of weight and then I will finally be happy in my skin.
• When I have lost all of this weight I am going to treat myself to a pinup photo shoot. It's always been my dream and I just know I will love it :-)
• I would LOVE to become a Weight Watchers rep and host meetings. Most of the reps there have all dropped a ton of weight and because of this they know how to act around people. Going into those meetings especially if you're on your own is daunting, it's not nice because you think people are going to judge but I'd love to help them out.

What am I going to do -

• My college is just a five minute walk from town, I usually get the tram but that is starting to get expensive so I am going to walk to the college and catch the tram back just because after being on my feet for that long I want to get into town quick.
• I've asked for an Xbox for my birthday so I can exercise on there.
• I am going to lose 3 stone by March 31st.

So that's it, I will probably do another update in March after I've lost my weight. Are you planning to lose weight this year?

Much love

New years resolutions

Hello my loves,

I hope you are well and had a great Christmas

So as you will know if you follow me on twitter and have followed my blog for a long time, I have had a seriously negative year. Everything that could go wrong actually has, but, in all honesty, some good things have come out of this year I've met some lovely people, I made up with a friend who I didn't think I would and I've had a few nice dates. I've done so many positive things, like losing weight although, that was due to stress. I'm back at college and although I'm not ready for a new boyfriend I am ready to date and have some fun. 

In the new year I'm going to be so positive and I'm going to get good things! So long ramble over let's get to the reason in here doing this post!

• Get a new job. Save money, get myself a working holiday visa to Canada or do the internship in America.
• Stop saying I'm going to do something and then not do it!
• Although we all say we are going to lose weight after new years I actually lost three stone this year, I want to carry on and lose the last bit of weight.
• Stop letting things get to me so much! Good things ARE coming my wa.
• I am going to meet up with all the new lovely friends I have made on twitter.
• I need to let things go, I hold onto too much grudges and once someone has pissed me off I stay angry for the longest time.
• I need to exercise more.
• I want to try and new and healthy things recipes and teach myself to be a better cook.
• I want to give my blog more love and try out more products.
• I don't want a boyfriend but if one comes my way I am not going to turn it down.
• In September I want to do a barbering course.
• I've lost a lot of friends through not having time for them because I got married and we moved on, I'd like to mend these friendships
• I want to move, Ideally I'd love to move somewhere closer to my friend.
• If I don't get to move I would like a housemate to move in.
• I want to paint my house because I am sick of the half painted walls that my ex never helped me to paint.
• I want to sit and read a new book every week.
• I want to go on more dates, there's lots of beautiful men out there and I want to meet as many of them as I can. Just because I have been burnt in the past doesn't mean that the one is going to hurt me.
• I am going to be the person I haven't been able to be because of my ex.
• I want to let go of negativity, if you are always feeling negative then you are giving out negative vibes and there for you're asking for bad things to happen.
• I am going to sell off the rest of my clothes that don't fit and buy a brand new wardrobe of things that do fit.
• I want to make my own hairstyles and try a new hairstyle every time I go out.
• I'm going to grow my hair really long because I am craving fishtail plaits.

Wow, that's actually a ton of things. I've still got ideas going through my head so I will keep adding to these but yeah, those are the things that I want the most from my life.

Happy new year my cupcakes and I will be back in the New Year fresh and feeling positive. Here's to a happy new year :-)

Much love

Spreading the Christmas cheer

Hello my little Christmas Lovelies :-)

I hope you''re all well.

I don't actually have anything specific to talk about today I just wanted to make a little post to say thank you to my lovely subbies, I'm up to 70 now and that's massive for me. I'm so out of practice with Blogging now it's been a while but I do plan to come back fresh with some new products in the new year. I've just got no enthusiasm for this year anymore, It's been a tough tough year and I'm not sad to say I cannot wait until January. I'm ready for a brand new chapter to start.

So what is everyone doing for Christmas? Do you know what you're getting? I haven't a clue what I am getting but I'm going to my mum's boyfriends mum's for Christmas. I'm not excited about it this year. 

I know I've had a terrible year but I've also had some great things happen. I've lost three stone and am now back into a size 12. I've met some super lovely people and I'm back at college doing something I really enjoy. I'm happier now than I was this time last year.

I'm excited to see what 2012 brings, I'm planning to go on to do Barbering at college after this year, I still have to do another year of my normal hairdressing but I'm so excited for everything. 

Anyways I'm sorry about the pretty pointless Blogpost I guess I just wanted to come and say hi and wish you all a super happy Christmas. I hope you all get everything you've ever wanted and eat lots of great food and drink (do it responsibly lol) lots. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me this year I'm so grateful for everything you have done for me.

All my love

30 Day Blog Challege

Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.

Hi guys,

I don't actually have any pictures of the town I live so I used some from google images.

I live in Sheffield, South Yorkshire. Yes I am Yorkshire lass but I don't speak like one unless I am around really common people. I've lived here all of my life and although I am proud to be a Northerner (it is true about us being a friendly bunch) I'm keen to leave the place lol. Sheffield is home to the Steelworks, it's a green city and one of the biggest cities in the country. A lot of very awesome people were born in Sheffield (just to pick a few) Sean Bean, Joe Cocker, Jessica Ennis, Def Leppard and many many others.

This place is called The Peace Gardens, it's such a nice place to go and sit in the summer. Also in winter the council put an outdoor skating rink here.

My favourite place IN THE WORLD, ha ha. Fancie Cupcakes, if you follow me on Twitter, I am sure you will have seen me rambling on about how much I love Fancie.

And lastly, this is the college where I am studying Hairdressing.

Peace and Love

A very merry Christmas

 Hello my loves,

I cannot honestly believe that in 9 days it will be Christmas, seriously where did this year go? I have to say I am so ready for the year to end. It's been a long roller coaster of a bugger. So I was on YouTube and saw this tag by Mischievous and I thought I would do it because I wanted a Christmassy post so here goes.

1. Favorite Christmas Movie?

For the past four Christmases it became a bit of tradition that we would watch a Muppets Christmas Carol, I have to say it really is my favourite. I think it's such a fun movie because it has Miss Piggy and well, she's hella fun right?

2. Are you on the Naughty list or the Nice list?

Well I think I am on both, I'm a naughty but nice girl. Lol. I've had a real humdinger of a year and I do think that I deserve a nice time with lots of treats.

3. Show us an embarrassing Christmas Card photo!

I have never done this, this is an American thing to do. I don't send Christmas cards out anymore, I just think it's a waste of ink and paper.

4. Have you ever had a White Christmas?

When I was about 9 we did have one and last year we had one. I love white Christmases, I think they're very romantic.

5. Where do you usually spend your holiday?

I used to spend it with my husbands family but this year I'll be spending it at my mum's boyfriends mum's house.

6.Play or Sing your favorite Christmas Song!

Christmas songs grate on me, I do like Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas" though.

7. Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?

Nope.

8. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

I could google it but that would be cheating wouldn't it? I don't actually know them, I used to know them all.

9. What holiday tradition are you looking forward to most this year?

Just getting drunk and eating a ton of food :-)

10. Is your Christmas tree real or fake?

Ok, don't shout, but I don't have a tree up this year. Being the first one on my own I'm not really feeling it, next year I will be though.

11. Hands down, what's your all-time favorite holiday food and holiday sweet treat?

I love lots of stuffing, sage and onion stuffing is one thing I could eat all the time. My favourite sweet treat is Yule log YUMMMM oh buddy that stuff is amazing.

12. Be Honest: do you like giving gifts or receiving gifts better?

I like to give gifts, I don't expect anything this year. Obviously likes receiving gifts but I don't think it's right to expect them.

13. Show us your tackiest Christmas attire (ex: Ugly Sweater)

Hand on heart I actually don't have anything. I am too school for cool and just don't wear them.

14. What would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season?

I would love to go to NYC for New Years. I'd love to go ice skating where they have that big rink and watch the ball drop in Times Square.

15. Does your family have a special holiday recipe you like to help make?

Nope.

16. Are you a pro-present wrapper, or do you fail miserably? 

I am actually pretty decent at wrapping presents, I've had lots of practice lol.

17. Most memorable Holiday moment?

A few years ago I got something for my mum's boyfriend and I put it in a massive box and had smaller boxes to reveal this really cool gift. His face when he saw the big present was a picture and when he saw the end thing he looked out of breath haha.

18. What made you realize the truth about Santa?

I don't actually remember, I wish I could go back to being that innocent and believing in Santa because everything was just perfect back then.

19. Do you make New Years Resolutions? Do you stick to them?

I always say I'm going to lose weight and don't but this year I actually did. I've lost 3 stone whoop.

20. What makes the Holidays special for you?

It used to be exchanging gifts with my ex and being so in love but now I'm kind of over it. I'm sure I'll be like that again but for now I'm a bit of a Grinch.

I hope you all have a seriously wonderful Christmas and get everything you want, I look forward to seeing lots of Christmas haul posts and videos.

Much Love

Update

Hello my loves,

How are we all? Long time no post. Have you all done your Christmas shopping? I still haven't done mine but thankfully I don't really have to buy many this year.

So where have I been? I've been slacking on posts recently, I've been busy with college I've had exams and practical assessments as well as writing assignments. I am officially on Christmas break now, I've managed to get my assignments done so I have just under a month off which is going to be great. I am hosting a blogsale if you are interested you can go grab a bargain here

Last weekend I fell and hurt my ankle and when went to the doctors he told me I'd torn a ligament (ouch) this is no good thing when you have to stand on your feet all day when you are training to become an hairdresser, and my tutor is no pushover "hairdressers do not sit down" she says lol. That is healing nicely, the bruises scare me but I always do bruise like a peach. I know sitting on my fat ass would mean I could surely blog but I've also been really unwell. I've got flu and I've barely done anything, I went to get cough medicine yesterday because I have a really chesty cough which is agony. All of my joints hurt and I've just been feeling so down because all I do is blow my nose and cough my guts up. I'm just not having the greatest time of it. 

I've not even been reading blogs, I've just taken a complete break which isn't like me at all. Now that I am on holiday I am hopefully going to start blogging again next week

So that is where I have been, if you missed me at all lol.

I hope you have a great weekend and I'll see you next week with a brand new post :-) 

Lots of Christmas hugs and love

My weight battle (with pictures) long post.

Hello my loves,

I hope you're all doing really well.

I have been thinking about writing this post for so long but didn't really feel so confident about it, but I decided everyone else is putting up "weight loss journey" videos, blog posts and what have you so I'm going to bite the bullet and do it. This might turn into a long post so please be patient with me. My blog is a big part of my life and if I can help someone then I will be happy. So here goes and please if you have any nasty comments (which I haven't ever had on this blog everyone has been so kind to me) please keep them to yourself, ok? Yes I got really big but nobody has the right to say nasty things on my blog.

Growing up, I was always a really slim girl, my dad's genes were really good my grandad was tall and slim, my dad was the same and so is my brother. My mum has always been curvy and I inherited her shape as I got older. I got picked on a lot at school because I had horrible teeth which I later sorted with braces, I had to wear glasses and I was always the tallest slimmest girl. I grew tall and matured with breasts before most girls in my year and some years above me. When I reached 15 years old I was 5ft6 which is when everyone grew above me and I've been 5ft6 ever since. I stayed the same size throughout school which was a curvy 10/12. After leaving school and going college I had a real hangup on my body, I would always say I was fat when I clearly wasn't, I was a size 10, everyone around me said I was skinny but I couldn't believe them because I have body dismorphia. I'm not going to lie here, I have had eating disorders. I couldn't eat for a long time and when I did eat I would make myself sick. Sometimes it comes back and when I eat I shake and it scares me, I try to force myself to eat and my body just rejects it and I get so full so easily. I lost lots of weight walking everywhere and being active trying to look nice for my first boyfriend. My mother demanded I went on the pill because I had a steady boyfriend and I was in love, then I put on weight. I felt horrible my belly had gotten bigger and I just started to feel blah and depressed so I had to lose the weight, I had eventually come off of that pill because it made me really unwell and went on a different one which didn't have an impact on my weight at all.

Anyhow fast forward a few years, I didn't really put much weight until 2007. I had all the men I could handle because I was this tallish bubbly skinny young woman. I started work doing this twilight shift working from 5-10pm and I met my now husband. We fell in love but his diet led something to be desired, he was picky it was fast food and junk. We'd sit and eat so much junk and go to the cinema with tons of popcorn and bad goodies. I didn't put on too much weight and I was a healthy size 12/14 which is my ideal size, but then the worst thing happened. My dad died, I couldn't eat once my dad died, I dropped a stone quickly because I couldn't handle the pain of losing him, I slowly started to get better and put weight on again but I didn't just put the weight on that I lost I had ballooned up to a size 16/18 we went to Florida and I think everyone knows what you do in America, you eat junk and boy did I. I've always had a pretty big apatite and there I was in my element, I could eat massive piles of junk and I wouldn't feel bad because everyone else was doing the same as me.We even went to a water park and I can remember saying "I don't feel like I'm fat anymore with the size of her legs" but you'd think that would have been enough to sort me out and make me lose weight but it didn't. We carried on having takeaways quite a few times a week, I had a massive drink problem, there wasn't a day when I didn't drink because I was so unhappy. He proposed to me in Florida and I of course said yes. I wanted to lose weight so I didn't have to be a big bloated mess on my wedding day but I just gave up, I didn't have the energy because I was quite big. I couldn't walk places without getting tired. I'd gotten so comfy in the relationship and it was a "well I've got him now, I'm married I don't need to bother looking good anymore" but I secretly inside hated myself and I couldn't look myself in the mirror without crying. I would say to him I want to lose weight and I did, I joined slimming world and I lost just under a stone in 6weeks which was amazing, but I stopped going because he said it costs too much etc. I would always say I'm so fat and ugly and he would say "well only you can do something about that" but when I asked if I could buy DVDs for weight loss at him he would say no because they were so expensive etc. He just didn't offer me the support and kick up the backside to say "do something because I'm worried" his aunty told me about these diet pills, which sounded perfect, they suck the fat out of what you eat, perfect. I could have takeaways and still lose weight?!? perfect right? NO. I won't tell you the results this had on me. I did lose weight but I wasn't eating better and they just stopped working.

Fast forward to this past year. My marriage was at breaking point, we both knew just neither of us had the courage to say "It's over" I tried to push him away so I could breathe but he wouldn't go and then he decided he was leaving, at which point I was just glad, I was more sad to lose the Xbox than him. But the stress started to roll in, I had no money, no job and I was left to it "sink or swim" he told me. Of course I didn't eat a proper meal for 3months, I couldn't it was just bits and bobs to shut my tummy up for an hour. I dropped a lot of weight and went from a 18/20 (depending where I shopped) to a 14/16 in a fast time. This I was happy about it meant I could sell off all of my clothes and feel/look better. I did look better but I didn't look the way I wanted to because I wasn't eating properly but I wasn't exercising either. I basically sat there wasting away, I'd gone to such a dark dark place and I thought that was the end for me. But then I met Jack (I'm always mentioning him in my posts, because he's awesome) and he helped me, we were both going through a tough tough time and he told me I needed to start eating because I wasn't doing myself any good. He offered so much love and support to me and I quickly got better, instead of putting all of the weight back on I have kept it off. I'm doing zumba and I'm doing much more like walking to college instead of spending £1.50 on the tram. I have to thank him so much because he wasn't ever scared to say "Joy just do it". He is the kind of man I wish I would have married instead of my own husband, because he can be hard on me but I just know that means he cares about me.

I won't divulge how much I weigh, I don't feel comfortable talking about that stuff still but I tried on a size 12 top yesterday (one that I haven't fit in since 2007) and it fit me, it wasn't tight or anything. Like I mentioned before, I've always had big breasts, but when I put weight on they obviously ballooned and I still find it hard to find tops that fit over them. I still have a way to go, I have to tone up my tummy, but I have stretch marks and in a way I'm so glad I do, because now when I think I'm fat or anything I can think to myself "no you're curvy, you used to be fat" I've cut right down on my drinking because that was a huge part of the weight issues, I'm still losing weight and fitting into things that I couldn't before. I feel like I finally am starting to look sexy again. Like I said I have a way to go, but Zumba helps, so does college. I have other things to focus on. I'm going to be the woman I want to be and I will never let myself get into that situation again. I can now run up the stairs without almost having a heart attack at the top, I can walk to the shops without feeling everyone is looking at me. And as for my panic attacks, I know I look better now, so all the attention I am getting seems to be good now. I'd say my body type right now is a an "hour glass" and I'm going to be honest I love it, I love that I have hips I'm ok with that. Marilyn Monroe had hips and she was stunning. I'm taking it easy, but in the new year I'm going to shift the rest of the weight. There's not much point going on a massive health kick right now because it's Christmas soon and we all know that we eat a crap ton of unhealthy stuff at Christmas.

I hope you're all still with me and here are some pictures of me from the past and present. 

This is me back in 2000 and 2001 size 10/12

This is me at my biggest on my wedding day, with my mums boyfriend who gave me away. I was a size 18/20

And these are the most recent pictures of me. I'm now a 14ish on top and 16 on the bottom due to my big hips lol.

I know I still have a way to go but I wanted to show my progress, in January when I start really dieting I will take before pictures, I didn't have any before pictures of myself from this year because I didn't expect to lose weight, it just happened.

Again, sorry for the long post I just had a long story to tell.

Peace, love and happiness